Quick Quips Online - Faheem's Blog

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Trini driver never uses them, besides if you do the driver on the lane on which you are trying to get in front of will just accelerate to not let you get in.

2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation and also delaying you to your destination.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the lesser the chance you have of getting hit.

4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially someone with no insurance ...the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

7. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left . It's a good way to prepare for people entering the highway.

8. Speed limits are arbitrary numbers, given only as a suggestion and are apparently not enforceable in T&T.

9. Just because you're in the right lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Trini driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

10. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Trinidad is the home of high-speed slalom driving.

12. It is traditional in Trini to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light turns green. Even though you are at risk of getting shot by the driver in front of you if you do this. Psst....you may be at similar risk from the driver behind if you don't.

13. Remember that the goal of every Trini driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.

14. 'Flipping someone the bird' is considered a polite salute. This gesture should always be returned.

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about: Rum.

Rum is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Rum can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Rum almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Rum.

Rum may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Rum. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Rum. Leaves Shyness Behind.

The top ten most foolish comments by world leaders are:

1. George W. Bush - Current US President
“You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror"

2. Donald Rumsfeld - The 21st United States Secretary of Defense
“We do know of certain knowledge that he [Osama Bin Laden] is either in Afghanistan, or in some other country, or dead"

3. George W. Bush - Current US President
"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again"

4. John Precsott – Deputy UK Prime Minister
“The green belt is a Labour achievement, and we mean to build on it.”

5. Dan Quayle - Former US Vice President
"Potatoe" Former US Vice President Dan Quayle was at the Luis Munoz Rivera School in Trenton, New Jersey. He was there helping with a spelling bee. He asked a student to spell the word "potato." The student spelled the word correctly, then, Dan Quayle made him go back up to the board to add an "e" on the end of the word.

6. Jacques Le Blanc, French Ambassador to New Zealand describing France’s nuclear testing in 1995
“I do not like this word bomb. It is not a bomb. It is a device which is exploding.”

7.George W. Bush - Current US President
"Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?"

8. Margaret Thatcher – Former UK Prime Minister
“It will be years-not in my time-before a woman will become Prime Minister"

9. Lee Lacocca - Former Chairman of Chrysler Corporation
“We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”

10. Tony Blair - Current UK Prime Minister
“The single most important two things we can do”.

One day, when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word "penis" in tiny letters. She turned to the class, scanned the boys and girls, looking for the guilty face. Finding not a guilty face in the bunch, she quickly erased the blackboard and began her class.

The next day, the teacher went into the classroom and noticed, in larger letters this time, the word "penis" on the blackboard. Again, she looked around the classroom in vain for the culprit, but found none. And so, the teacher erased the blackboard and proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, the teacher went into the classroom and found the same word written on the blackboard, each day, written larger than the previous day.

Finally, one day, the teacher walked into the classroom expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board. Instead, she found scrawled on the blackboard:

"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"

The things the've said in the past:
1) "The average American family hasn't time for television."
The New York Times, 1939

2) "It's a great invention but who would want to use it anyway?"
President Rutherford B. Hayes after a demonstration of Bell's telephone

3) "The world potential market for copying machines is 5000 at most."
IBM to the founders of Xerox, 1959

4) "There will never be a mass market for motor cars - about 1,000 in Europe - because that is the limit on the number of chauffeurs available!"
Spokesman for Daimler Benz

5) "There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home."
Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment Corporation, 1977

Three little ducks go into a Bar.

"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.

"Huey," was the reply.

"How's your day been, Huey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"

"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.

"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"

"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.

"My name is Puddles."

Joe grew up in Barataria, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to T&T because he felt he could be a Big Shot at home. He really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened his new law office on St Vincent Street.

The first day, he saw a man coming up the passageway. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking.

No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million. Yes, the Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support."

He went on, "Okay, tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."

The "conversation" went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man, "I'm sorry for the delay but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"

The man replied, "I'm from TSTT, the telephone company, I came to hook up your phone."