Preface
Statement of Principles
1.The rights and priveleges of individuals supersede those of The Man.
2.A cost-benefit analysis may be employed when necessary.
3.Bros before hos.
4.Any and all additional principles can and must be drawn from the morality tale Better Off Dead.
Section I. CD Burning
The illegal duplication of copyrighted material onto compact disc, hereafter referred to as "CD burning," is acceptable under the following conditions and for the following reasons.
A. Creation of a Mix
The creation of a mix for personal use or for distribution to friends, relatives, etc. is distinguished from other types of CD burning as it entails the assembly of a multitude of different musical or spoken pieces (hereafter "songs" or "tracks"), generally from different artists and/or albums, to form a new CD which is distinct from any other single CD/tape/record available for purchase. As described in Section 3.B of "In the Mix: Your Soundtrack for Life," every song has both content and context. Though the content of the song is duplicated when it is placed on a mix, the context is entirely revamped. In a new context, a song can and will have a different meaning, color and temper. Thus, the mix is itself an art form and as such is not only acceptable but encouraged under Principle 2.
B. Duplication of Albums from Well Known Bands
This section relates to the duplication of albums from well known, or "famous" bands.
1. Well Known Bands Whose Members are Still Living
a. Well Known Bands Whose Members are Living and Rich
This category includes bands such as "U2," "Bon Jovi," and "New Kids on the Block." A cost-benefit analysis, as specified in Principle 3, indicates that the purchase of Section 1.a CDs primarily benefits executives and musicians who are already very rich, and is, therefore, not an ethically justifiable or necessary expenditure for impecuniuos youth. It is widely accepted, however, (Kohn et al., 1979) that music substantially increases listeners' quality of life and is particularly important for the social and personal development of young persons. Thus, considering the desirability of spending that benefits deserving recipients and the important contributions of music to quality of living, the unauthorized duplication of CDs made by bands whose members are living and rich is acceptable.
b. Well Known Bands Whose Members are Living and Not Rich
In the majority of cases, famous but not rich bands are not rich due to their own financial mismanagement, which is in no way the fault of the ethical Young Person. In cases in which famous bands are indigent due to the exploitative music industry, the ethical young person is compelled not to purchase a CD which will only benefit the aforementioned industry. In either of these cases, the unauthorized duplication of CDs made by bands whose members are living and not rich is found to be acceptable.
2. Well Known Bands Whose Members are No Longer Living
Sales of CDs made by Section 2 bands do not benefit the artist but rather music executives and the estate(s) of the band member(s). Both estates and executives fall under the definition of "The Man." Thus, under Principle 1, the duplication of CDs made by bands whose members are dead is acceptable.
C. Not-famous Bands
Given that that unauthorized CD duplication is a simple and inexpensive way to increase familiarity with new music, and that not-famous bands stand to benefit more from increased renown than from any single CD purchase, the duplication of CDs made by not-famous bands clearly benefits both you (the burner) and the artists and is, therefore, acceptable and encouraged.
Section II. Romantic Relationships
Romantic (also known as "intimate," "amorous," or "like like") relationships are vital to personal growth and fulfillment. They are acceptable in all but the following cases.
A. Romantic Relationships With Friends
Under Principle 3, friendship (with implied corollaries of stability, acceptance, and emotional and intellectual bond) takes precedence over romantic relationships (with implied corollary of sexual relations). By extension, friendship with a person takes has primacy over a romantic relationship with that same person. Thus, romantic relationships with friends are unacceptable.
B. Romantic Relationships With Strangers
It is widely accepted (Becker et al., 1981) that romantic relationships require emotional vulnerability and intimacy. As affirmed in Principle 4, offering this to strangers is always a big mistake. Thus, romantic relationships with strangers (or other non-friends) are unacceptable.
Section III. Purchase of Alcohol for Minors
The purchase of alcohol for minors is illegal and also unacceptable unless said minor is of an age equal to or greater than the age at which you first consumed alcohol for the purpose of intoxication OR unless said minor offers to be your best friend.
Section IV. Acceptable Use of Employer's Computer System
An employer's computer system, where "system" encompasses computer, network, server, routers, storage devices, and all other such components, may be used for any and all of the following purposes, so long as they are work-related.
•text editing
•e-mail
•instant messaging
•online poker
•eBay
•searching for own name on the internet
•searching for "i love" (own name) on internet
•creating and browsing nudie pictures
•hanging out in 'NSYNC chatrooms
•picking up chicks
•composing droll web zines
If your office has a door, it is acceptable to use your computer system for these and any additional activities.
